My mentor Jayashree was in Seattle recently and conducted a workshop on relationships. She gave us some guidelines which in my humble opinion are worth their weight in gold :). There is a total of 25, but we were only able to cover 8 in the workshop.
1. Are you able to accept the situation as it is?
2. Are you able to accept the other person as is?
3. Moral judgement -> Value judgement
XYZ is a moron because he does not recycle - change this to
Recycling is important to me
XYZ does not recycle
This make me feel _____
Tap on the anger ... now anger has become your own issue and is therefore in your circle of influence.
4. Are you looking for their approval or love?
- What are your feelings towards what happened?
- QTIP - quit taking it personally :).
5. Am I thinking linearly?
People are contradictory in their very nature. When we try to fit them into linear frames, we cause pain to ourselves.
He called me so regularly ... and yet, he did not propose. How do I feel about this?
Even though he did and he also did ... I love and accept myself.
6. What is the intention you are seeing in the other person's action?
- Even if her intention was to harm me ... I deeply and completely love and accept myself :).
7. What is your underlying desire?
This person is so rude
Underlying desire - to feel respected
Even though I don't feel respected ... I love and accept myself :).
8. How attached are you to your desire?
In relationships, attachment scares the other person ...
*-*
After these guidelines, Jayashree explained the
Process of healing in relationships :)
1. Empathy for Self.
2. Empathy for others.
3. Preparation for relevant action.
4. Process of QTIP (quit taking it personally)
5. What is the "yes" behind the "no"
6. Gratitude
7. Celebrate what you have released.
1. Are you able to accept the situation as it is?
2. Are you able to accept the other person as is?
3. Moral judgement -> Value judgement
XYZ is a moron because he does not recycle - change this to
Recycling is important to me
XYZ does not recycle
This make me feel _____
Tap on the anger ... now anger has become your own issue and is therefore in your circle of influence.
4. Are you looking for their approval or love?
- What are your feelings towards what happened?
- QTIP - quit taking it personally :).
5. Am I thinking linearly?
People are contradictory in their very nature. When we try to fit them into linear frames, we cause pain to ourselves.
He called me so regularly ... and yet, he did not propose. How do I feel about this?
Even though he did and he also did ... I love and accept myself.
6. What is the intention you are seeing in the other person's action?
- Even if her intention was to harm me ... I deeply and completely love and accept myself :).
7. What is your underlying desire?
This person is so rude
Underlying desire - to feel respected
Even though I don't feel respected ... I love and accept myself :).
8. How attached are you to your desire?
In relationships, attachment scares the other person ...
*-*
After these guidelines, Jayashree explained the
Process of healing in relationships :)
1. Empathy for Self.
2. Empathy for others.
3. Preparation for relevant action.
4. Process of QTIP (quit taking it personally)
5. What is the "yes" behind the "no"
6. Gratitude
7. Celebrate what you have released.
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